‘My body map is a visual representation of trauma I faced through family and domestic violence and homelessness. This particular body map portrays my belief in self and my culture that has got me through these unbearable experiences as a child, woman and mother. I attempted to portray both the physical and psychological pain of my experiences, both as an Artist and Therapeutic Arts Practitioner. I know how art helps people share their story and start their healing journey. It was important to me that my artwork had symbols and colours of cultural significance that give me strength, including the owl, which is my totem. Please look at my artwork from the head to toe as I will attempt to explain to you what each piece means…
– Peta
- Title: Nyugar (‘to see’ in Gooreng Goring Language)
- Artist: Peta
- Year: 2024
- Medium: Fabric and acrylic on hessian
My head feels like bricks been thrown at it. Random headaches coming throughout the day and night. I can’t think clearly, my memory blanks start coming! And I ask myself if I am going mad. My shoulders feel tight and heavy, this heaviness works it way down my back and throughout my body. I ask myself ‘What was I lifting? How was I sitting? Not realising it was the trauma. My heart rapidly pulsates, feeling as it been torn apart. These feeling are so intense, so very intense that I admit myself to hospital, thinking I’m having heart attack as the shortness of breath meets the heart pain. I ask myself, ‘Is this a heart attack? I don’t want to die, I’m not ready to die!’ Travelling down to my stomach I feel a big knot that was seemingly dormant but somehow it has been awakened. I try to purge this knot, it’s an invisible string, coming and coming but there never seems to be an end. I ask myself – What’s happening, is this some sort of black magic? Do I need a healer? My private parts then hurt, I need to rest a while, it feels like the aftermath of being raped at the age of thirteen. I’m scared, I lay I cry, I rest. Why am I feeling this pain? It’s been close to 40 years since I was raped! My hips, they ache, they just randomly ache. Surely I’m too young to need a hip replacement? Whilst having a feeling of heaviness in each step I take, the muscles in my legs randomly cramp. I wonder if I need more salt in my diet, or is it from those bloody stairs at work? There are tingling feelings that come and go, like a numbness of some kind. Maybe I’ve got blood circulation issues happening?
I question my sanity, my spirituality, my worth. I call for strength and guidance from my ancestors, I hold my arm out. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. They answer ‘Peta this is TRAUMA. Peta it’s up to you to heal you. Peta you know how to reset. Peta you are strong. Peta you are resilient. Peta your ancestors are looking after you. Peta you are going to be ok. Peta remember this is trauma….’ I am strong for my family and strong enough to share my vulnerability with you today.’
– Peta